Wandering around the stores the other day I suddenly felt overwhelmed by the amount of stuff, and choice of foods, beauty products, clothes, equipment, labour saving devices, jewellery and so on.

We really do have it all (even if we can’t buy it all this minute!) For instance there are umpteen products for every area of our homes and every appliance within every area of our homes, for our cars and each separate part on it, and our bodies and every bit thereof.

These are just the products I could use for one of my legs:-.

Razor, Delapitory cream, body lotion, moisturizer, cellulite cream, fake tan, real tan, henna tattoos, deep heat treatment, nail varnish, nail file, foot cooling lotion…. and a bucket load of corn plasters, athletes foot treatments etc.

I wonder how different my leg would feel if I tried a week using all of the above, and followed it with product free week, or vice versa.

Apart from momentary gratification and a hairy leg, I doubt there would be much difference!

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Impromptu face paint for a clown smile

To leave a message on glass or mirror

Rouge

Feigning an allergy or the start of an infectious llness such as measles

To create a target for archery or an impromptu dartboard

Red shoe polish

Writing a giant birthday message on a sheet

Tinting white candles

Following on from 2nd Feb, bras made me think of boobs and what a huge subject they are. It’s not just the palava of measuring up to get one that fits properly and they way they grow whenever weight is added, so that many women with really big boobs are chubby, but then their boobs are saggy and have to be bundled into giant hammock like bras, or scaffolding in white, beige or black and serviceable rather than pretty, just to ensure that their self esteem plummets along with their boobs.

To breast feed or not to breast feed is a minefield of guilt for those that really don’t like the idea, can’t get their baby to get to grips with it, or find it just doesn’t work. New mums obviously want to do the best for their baby so if their choice is not to, then that is the best for both the baby and mum, whatever the experts say. Heaping piles of guilt on the head of a new mum so that her confidence in her new mothering role is shaken, has got to be a lot worse than her choice not to breast feed.

The media, stars and men in general make such a hoo-ha about them that girls as young as fifteen are asking for boob jobs to make them feel attractive. Strange that In the same world women with breast cancer have to suffer the trauma of a masectomy and somehow regain their self confidence in the midst of all this bosom worship.

The shops (fashion, not greengrocers) are displaying underwear to entice men thinking of buying a valentine gift, who are brave enough to choose wisps of lacy nothingness while being served by giggling assistants or middle aged ladies that remind them of their mum.

The choice of knickers alone, is unbelievable although it is probably easier for a man because he just chooses sexy. However, unless he knows her exact size he will get it wrong. If he chooses something that is too big, she thinks he thinks she’s fat, too small and she knows they won’t fit, but won’t admit it so he thinks that she doesn’t like them.

Women have to choose from briefs, hi-leg, thongs, sexy, big knickers, French knickers or elasticated body shapers. Their knicker drawer needs to contain, best sexy knickers, every day knickers and body flattening or big knickers for those fat days.

The trouble is that (like the Bridget Jones film) it is often when wearing the biggest, oldest or saggiest knickers when you wish you were wearing the sexiest.

I wonder why we say a pair of knickers instead of a knicker – although we say knicker drawer? Yet we never refer to a pair of bras.

Shampoo.
Dirty hair. Bald head.

Razor.
Bearded men. Hairy legged women. Furry edged bikinis.

Face cream.
Wrinkly faced thirty year olds.

Nail varnish.
Dirty nails, exposed! Beige hands.

Deodorant.
Smelly people. Stinky tubes and buses. Pheronome fuelled love affairs.

After Shave.
Stinking men’s sheets that (you now realise) haven’t been washed for months.(Ditto, underwear!)

Perfume.
Women who can’t pretend they never suffer with flatulence.

Make up.
Plain or unattractive models, film and pop stars. Raised self esteem for ordinary women.

More ideas welcome!

Burns Night is looming and there are more men with kilts around bars, pubs and clubs than at any other time of year, unless of course you live in Scotland.

I always think men look attractive in kilts but it is still an unusual sight. Men don’t have any other type of official skirt or dress that I can think of, apart from robes (Muslims, vicars and priests,) or tunics (toga parties or Santa.)

If all things were equal then men would be wearing skirts and dresses as much as women wear trousers, but it doesn’t seem to be happening that way round. In fact there was a huge reaction when David Beckham wore a sarong.

So why is it, in 2008 that men aren’t dressing in skirts and dresses as much as women are wearing trousers?

I love glitter too. In fact one year (on an old car) I put glue on the bonnet the boot and the roof and then sprinkled silver glitter on it. Admittedly I had had a drink or two and was inspired by the beauty of a frosty night!!