Leave newspapers and magazines with articles on Valentines day including the date and advertisements for Valentines gifts lying in places where your partner will see them.

Discuss Valentines day loudly with friends at work and make bets as to who will get the least, or most; every time anyone is around

Make a pact with a friend to send each other one just so you don’t face the cardless void of a doormat on the 14th.

Send your single friends one and add one for yourself.

Send a seductive poster of yourself (with your address on the bottom) to oil rigs or mens’ prisons.

Run a competition. The best Valentine card sent to this (your) address will win…. (one of your unwanted Christmas presents.)

Dress up in your most seductive outfit, do your hair and make up as though you were on the cat walk, and accidentally drop your business card everywhere you visit.

Start a chain Valentine threatening dire consequences for those that break the chain - make sure you work it so that you end up with 100’s.

Serve tea or volunteer behind the bar at places where elderly men hang out such as bowls clubs, working mens clubs or residential homes. Let them know you’re single, and find them very attractive and mention your address. (for example, “yes we don’t get such good looking men in Priory Street. Ive lived at number fourteen for ten years and never seen anyone that’s a patch on you.”) Emphasise the street name and number!

Flirt with nerds.

Know that the one you get made of coloured tissue and paper doily will be your all time favourite, because it is ‘to Mum, Happy Valentines Day, lots of love…”