The shops (fashion, not greengrocers) are displaying underwear to entice men thinking of buying a valentine gift, who are brave enough to choose wisps of lacy nothingness while being served by giggling assistants or middle aged ladies that remind them of their mum.

The choice of knickers alone, is unbelievable although it is probably easier for a man because he just chooses sexy. However, unless he knows her exact size he will get it wrong. If he chooses something that is too big, she thinks he thinks she’s fat, too small and she knows they won’t fit, but won’t admit it so he thinks that she doesn’t like them.

Women have to choose from briefs, hi-leg, thongs, sexy, big knickers, French knickers or elasticated body shapers. Their knicker drawer needs to contain, best sexy knickers, every day knickers and body flattening or big knickers for those fat days.

The trouble is that (like the Bridget Jones film) it is often when wearing the biggest, oldest or saggiest knickers when you wish you were wearing the sexiest.

I wonder why we say a pair of knickers instead of a knicker – although we say knicker drawer? Yet we never refer to a pair of bras.