Halloween seems to have grown from a small optional event which was celebrated within the family or close friends telling ghostly stories and playing duck apples, to a full blown spooky spectacular with costumes, parties and gifts.

Every major store has a selection of ghoulish outfits which are far better than any creation I could possibly make. They seem reasonably priced until I calculate the necessary accessories, multiply by number of children (3) and calculate the amount of times they will be worn in a year (1.)

To ‘Trick or Treat’ or not to ‘Trick or Treat,’ is the question. I only know two sets of neighbours reasonably well. On one side is an elderly couple who jump when I say good morning on a dull day. On the other, friends with two toddlers who find it a nightmare to get them around without one or the other bursting into tears at the scary sights that seem to pop out from every shop. Accompanying the kids to stranger’s homes? They would suggest I did not need a costume, but refuse to go with me.

Halloween parties can be useful but either one child gets invited by a school friend and I have to provide suitably scary entertainment for the others, or I hold the party and cope with the ensuing mayhem, mess and chaos.

As it happens none of them have been invited to parties this year.

They still want to dress up but I have refused to buy costumes and told them to create their own, although I will help. This will stop me getting the blame for any sub-standard efforts.

I have forbidden any door knocking on stranger’s doors and answered all accusations of being unreasonable with ‘yes, I am a witch, what do you expect at Halloween?’

However, I have given them three options.

A family party with gunge, scary stories, duck apples and treats.
A (scary but age appropriate) DVD and a take-away.
Money to forget the whole thing.

The catch is that they all have to agree on a choice by midnight tonight, or all offers are withdrawn and we forget the whole thing……Mooo Harr Harr Harr Harr!!!