Today my stomach feels like a cream puff, my boobs are bulging like water balloons and I have a treble chin! During the night my body has spread like dough. I eat chocolate, cakes, nuts, chips and bananas for breakfast, but I am still hungry. I feel tired and dreary as I trudge around getting the kids to school and trying to avoid the irritating idiots who people the world. I regret a stop at the supermarket immediately, when the elderly clutter the aisles. Meeting my friend Karen to go clothes shopping, annoys me further because the sales staff are positively evil, leaping out from behind displays to offer me jeans and little jumpers while smirking at my fatness. Karen tries to get me to buy jeans that make my bottom look like a giant beanbag; some friend!I get home and boyfriend Gary leers at me and pretends to fancy the gross lump that I’ve become. When I yell at him for being such a dishonest creep he says I’m being unreasonable!

Later, Mum Cathy babysits and we go out. I have a large glass of Shiraz, a starter, main course, pudding, another glass of Shiraz, and chocolate on the way home. The waiter is slow, the table not the one I wanted and nerd Gary chats about the stupidest things; vacuum cleaners, dentists and money! I want to shout, what about life, the universe, eternity? But I just munch my apple pie and custard and feel the weight sludge down and add itself to my heaviness. Nerd brings me tea in the morning. It’s strong and sweet and he looks the same. The sun is shining and I feel a surge of love and beam at him while I sip my tea. Later I walk through streets of paving stones and people, to meet him for lunch. The elderly have speeded up, my clothes fit and my bottom feels small and cheerful. Life is just wonderful.